Traditional training methods involving pictures, words and people talking about stuff will be completely replaced by VR training on Monday afternoon it has been announced.
Dave 'Double Dave' Davidson of VR training start up, Ultimate Apathy Machine, said "Traditional training methods are being completely disruptified. Using a Paper VR headset we're now able to train shop assistants at CostGo to be less awful and also prepare them for challenging situations... Hopefully before they quit".
VR training covers:
- What to do when someone comes at you with a sandwich
- Saying "If it isn't on the shelves you're out of luck" convincingly
- Coping with overly aggressive tiny old people on Red Friday
- Tactical thinking during the zombie-beaver apocalypse
Over-excited shop assistant, Jenny Brixton, said "The old training was super shit. Endless Powderpoint slides delivered by a middle-aged withering corpse! This magic goggle stuff has zombie hamsters. No contest in my opinion".
Double Dave adds "We've discovered VR training can boost engagement comprehension retention by as much as 12. Cognitive enhancement yield was up by 9 points on the Nooris scale and everyone we tested showed a 9000 percent increase in the uttering of the word 'Whoah'.
"I think you'll agree, the numbers speak for themselves".