VR devs and headset makers cancel all projects after reading poorly written VR is Dead article
Updated: May 8
Moments after an uneducated, poorly written, VR is Dead article was published, all headset makers and VR software developers have decided to stop what they're doing and rethink their careers.
Author of the Florbs article entitled 'VR was supposed to be Mindbendingly Awesome but is Actually Shit, Erik Pain, said "VR is a bad platform for video games and even worse for squirrel themed dinner parties. From the moment it was invented by amphibious woodland creatures in 1963, VR has struggled to replace Tetherball or Push the Onion as the most popular leisure activities for humans.
"I'd been seeing a lot of positive Half Life and Kwest articles from the mainstream press. I knew if I cranked up the negativity and squirted a lazily written piece out of my donkey-baton I'd increase my click-attraction factor by 9000-percent".
Business Mayor at Octopus, Mark Sugarbird said "When the Florbs article appeared in my feed I knew it was time to face the cold reality of the impossible journey we're all on. It didn't matter that the author was probably high on cheese and after many minutes of internet research he'd typed it up with his wobbly-bob. It was time to pull the plug on all VR projects and focus entirely on AR. Honestly, the mainstream press are never going to get it, even if we created a high-spec standalone, nausea-free, headset with unlimited free AAA content for $99".
Emperor at Volv, Gabe Install, said "Even though we recently recorded record numbers of VR users on steam we've decided to close the Index store and shelve the Index 2 project amid the shocking news that VR is finally dead. In addition we're moving all developers from Left for Dead VR and Half Life: Gordon to work on never-ending Steam sales. Shame really, as working on VR is probably the most fun we'd had since Portal 2".
Author of equally click-desperate New York Tired article 'My Lock Down VR Experience was more Disappointing than Phantom Menace', Kelvin Ruse, said "After consulting with well known VR video man, VR Osmosis, I got hold of a Google Daydream and a 3D-Head. I tried a virtual cheese tasting experience, vegetable puppetry and a Belgian yoga app before stopping due to crippling neck pain. All that was left was to fire a hastily written article out of my highly polished, perfectly formed buttocks. Easy money!".
VR Osmosis adds 'When I read the article I face-palmed with such velocity I launched myself through a wall into the local job center. Wish me luck!