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  • Writer's pictureVictor Riddel

SoupyData reveals its secrets on how to get VR/AR projections spectacularly wrong

The well known artisan soup maker and data juggler, SoupyData, have agreed to let us in on it's secret formula for how to predict VR and AR's growth. CEO of SoupyData, Geoffrey Lebowski, said "For our 2015 predictions we used a little known technique called waddle mapping. We'd write random numbers on the floor, release a blindfolded penguin and watch that little dude map out the future". "We'd then use our patented 'buzz-booster technique'. This involved smoking some imported cheese and consulting with the leading immersive industry experts from Toys R us, TiVo and Blockbusters. These guys were telling us VR was going to replace everything that requires electricity and revolutionize all industries involving humans. Naturally we then boosted our original number by a factor of 9". "Soon after this, we sold a shit ton of VR/AR reports to meandering investors and headline hungry journalists. That little penguin was out performing the brightest future gazers in the tech industry". "We later added a modified Magic 8 ball to the process. After a time it was coming up with some spectacular numbers! When that thing started to sell more reports than the penguin we had to get rid of that little fella". "8 ball famously predicted our '55 million unique VR users by the end of 2016'. Which would have been spot on if those lazy virtual goggle makers would've made better games, cheaper hardware and advertised more. We got a fair bit of shit for that but come on, that stuff's out of our control". "After that minor miscalculation we brought in some new people and did some sciencey stuff. Take our recent Octopus Quench 2019 prediction for example. We got our intern to look at Octopus Glo companion app download numbers to work out how many Glo's have been sold. We then posed the question of how much better the Quench was to an influencer. He tells us it's 3 times better and BOOM! Triple boosted to over 1 million in action noobs!"

"Fingers crossed this science shit works out. If not, we're going to back the penguin".

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