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  • Writer's pictureVictor Riddel

PieMax opens restaurant that fails to deliver your meal and offers to sell you a different one

Updated: Apr 19, 2020

Makers of the spectacularly wide VR headsets, PieMax, have opened a number of pop-up restaurants with a unique approach to its products and clientele. Enthusiastic PieStarter backer, Bret Special, said "When I heard there was going to be a PieMax pop-up restaurant in my city I was freaking out! I'd heard they were going to have some ultra-wide pies. Guinness world record shit. Seriously, even amid rumors of the extreme pie width causing nausea, I was super-hyped!" "I knew something was up when the table next to me received 4 pies after ordering the advertised 8 snack pie+ deal. When questioned the waiter explained that 4 and 8 are practically the same number so people shouldn't get so damn picky. The situation became troubling when I was informed the cutlery had suffered manufacturing problems and wouldn't be available, although we were offered a rival restaurants superior cutlery at a similar cost". "I eventually ordered the 8 Kale+ super-wide pie, Index cutlery bundle with adjustable face cloth. Moments later I was told there may be significant delays. I asked about my meal after a few hours and discovered all the chefs had been relocated to China and my pie was going to remain unavailable until further notice. They did, however, offer to sell me the new Artisan pie that's, apparently, a lot tastier than the 8 kale+ super-wide". We reached out to PieMax for clarification on the situation. European Marketing Erector, Martin 'SweWider' Lambsauce, said: 1) I don't care what the waiter said, they're not supposed to speak to the customers 2) Our shit is f*cking happening and everything everyone is saying is mostly incorrect 3) Anyone who said anything negative about our pies, including PieMax employees, is pouring misleading sauce over our excellent business practices 4) f*ck off! 5) Don't make me threaten legal action. 6) Legal action it is then you insufferable tw*tkettle!


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